ONE THING (not a billion, just one)

Have you ever wished there was a "Go Back in Time and Fix Your Mistake" Button on life? That's where I'm at.

I started this semester with such promise and anticipation for a good school year.... But along the way I chose to let wrong attitudes creep in. And they came, ever so subtly, like a small bacteria eating away at my insides. I noticed the pricks slightly once in a while, but didn't truly turn it over to God. (It's one thing to say... it's a harder thing to DO.) Before I knew it, These wrong perspectives had control over my actions and clouded my vision from a fear of the Lord. Instead, I feared people. All it takes is a heart focus of selfishness and pride, and suddenly people are so big, and God is so small.
I could see that was the problem, even while I was right in the middle of it, but I was in a daze, ignoring the only cure I knew would work. There was a certain melancholy hanging over my head, and it is still one that I battle. It's so easy to just keep thinking "If only; If only..."

But I don't aim to get on here and write about the places of the semester where I royally messed up and am feeling guilty - Because, where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. I'm not doomed to keep repeating the same sin, or to keep falling into the same wrong outlooks. If you are feeling that at all in your own life, I want to tell you that there IS hope! God has been using this Christmas break to reveal that to me.

It started with hanging out in a first grade classroom. During that day of elementary observations I was blessed with the chance to sit down with the teacher one on one and have the most enjoyable little heart-to-heart talk about teaching. Miss Edwards has been teaching for 34 years (give or take) and this prompted me to ask, "Do you use the same exact lesson plans year after year?" Thinking it might be a yes because this seemed like the easiest thing to do. Upon hearing that, she responded, "Oh no, Janell! I write up new lesson plans every single year. Because NO class of kids is the same. And I am not the same either. The Holy Spirit is always doing something in my life and teaching me something different. If it's not fresh for me, than it won't be fresh for the kids."
What a profound insight! Just like a quote I read from the book Teaching to Change Lives, "I would rather have my students drink from a running stream than a stagnant pool." The day a teacher stops growing is the day a teacher stops teaching. The Word of God does not change. But my understanding of it changes, because I am a developing individual.

During our talk, Miss Edwards also left me with a very encouraging thought, "You don't have to be perfect. You're human. But let your kids in your class see that. Let God use your strengths AND your weaknesses, because HE WILL. He has a plan for your weaknesses just as much as your strengths. And it makes sense doesn't it?... Because when He uses your weaknesses, that's when HE will get the glory for what's been done."

I hope I never forget that when I enter the world of teaching. :-)

So with all these thoughts swirling in my brain, of weakness, and growth, and growing from my weaknesses, God had more to bring up with me. During my devotions the very next day I was reading through Philippians. (but I must admit I didn't get past chapter three.) I ended up getting stuck on verses 12-14" actually. There it says:

"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, (because I know I'm not!)
But I press on to make it my own (perfection) because Christ Jesus has made me His own. (this is my hope)
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: (One thing! Not a billion things with the hope that they will all add up to perfection. But just one thing. And what is that? To strive, press, move forward. Growing.)
Forgetting what lies behind (don't let the regrets hang over my head and the melancholy control me)
and straining forward to what lies ahead (eyes on the prize... looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith)
I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus."

If I'm always looking backwards then I'm likely to trip over what's in front of me. So don't look behind. It's in the past. Satan would love to use my petty regrets from yesterday to completely cloud my vision still and make me ineffective for serving my Master tomorrow. He would love to set those regrets in motion and then just watch them take their toll. (It means that I'm practically doing his job FOR him! After all, he is the Great Accuser.... But Jesus Christ is my Advocate, my intercessor, my righteousness.
There's a beautiful picture of this in the books I've been reading over break. It's a series of books - "The Chronicles of Narnia" which I'm sure you have heard of because of the latest movie that's been made about The Voyage of the Dawn Treader. In The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, Edmund had betrayed his brother and sisters and acted like a total traitor, so much so that they were worried sick about him, while at the same time scared to death at what vital information he had given to the enemy. Yet when Edmund is finally rescued from the Witch's grasp, he is able to talk privately with the great lion, Aslan. Amazingly, when they return to the children, Aslan says something to the effect of, "He has asked my forgiveness. There is no need to bring up what is past."
In a huge contrast, when the Witch comes stomping into camp to have a word with Aslan, the first thing she does is point a finger at Edmund and accuse him of the wrong he had done. But in love, Aslan forgave. And in love, he gave of himself in Edmund's place, not just saying He forgave, but Showing it.
I just think that is the coolest illustration for how Christ forgives me! He does not accuse, but gently His Holy Spirit pricks where I have done wrong. And then once I have realized and repented, it is no longer brought up again! How amazing is that!?


God, thank you for your promise of forgiveness if I will only ask. All that I have worried about and mulled over, I lay down at your feet. It is no longer mine to obsess over. I pray that you would teach me of wisdom from above and renew my mind with a heavenly perspective! And I know I don't deserve it, but Lord, I miss the peace, joy, and assurance that comes with close fellowship with you. Restore unto me THE JOY.

It's interesting, at first I was really discouraged when I thought, "Oh man, being an assistant Resident Advisor has brought to my life a whole new set of problems!" But wouldn't ya know it - these are the same areas where I have always struggled!
This semester of mistakes has just spotlighted them.

But I'm grateful that's what God is using to help me grow.

And that's the most important thing about my life as a Christian is that

I AM growing!