Bringing my Doubts

I used to wonder, “Why did Gideon lay out his fleece so many times in order to be assured of the will of God?” Did he not trust the first answer as sufficient?

I see myself reflected in this story. I’m learning to look more critically at myself instead of the Bible characters themselves. I can totally identify with Gideon! When I'm trying to make a semi-big decision, it's easy to set an ultimatum (i.e. "God, if this happens, then I will do this...." or "God, this certain thing didn't work out, so it must not be your will for me to ______.") But then when it happens, suddenly it does not seem like sufficient enough evidence to base it all on a circumstance, so I pray on another test that will be "the deciding factor" for God's will in my life. I must admit, it gets downright tricky!

The desire of my heart of hearts is to do what the perfect will of God is for my life. But sometimes, it truly IS hard to be sure that it's truly God's voice. I worry about whether my motives are pure enough, or whether I am putting the words I want to hear into God's mouth. God's will is not a blank check. I cannot just insert whatever I would most prefer and then thank Him for the slight input. That would be limiting His awesome power and sovereign plan (and last time I checked, my God is limitless!) He is completely capable of providing for my every need. And as His child, He wants me to learn to depend more fully on Him, even when all other securities are stripped away.

But how do I know to what lengths He wants me to go to prove and to stretch that dependence? The men of old like George Mueller and Hudson Taylor lived a life like that. Father, I pray that you would enlarge my heart in faith. As in a commentary I was reading this afternoon,

You want me to bring my faith to you....

Yet if I have no faith, you want me to bring even my doubts to you....

So that you may strengthen my heart to trust you more.

Whatever happened to the faith of a child?? It should not be this complicated, right? The sheep know the voice of their Master, and they follow after Him. They know when they are hearing another voice that is not the Good Shepherd. Dear Lord, give me discernment to pick out your loving voice above all other voices, so that I may know YOUR desire for my direction. I realize that at times you speak through earthquakes, and fire, and whirlwinds. But at other times, your voice is just a still, small whisper. Give me grace that I may not miss it.

* Wow, I wasn't planning to write this much! All these thoughts are churning in my mind. And as a side note, I hope you understand that I write this in a broad, generic way for a reason, leaving out the details. If anyone out there is feeling the same way I am, or wrestling with similar questions, I hope you will be encouraged in the Lord tonight, able to apply these thoughts to your own situation.

"Wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen thy heart. Wait I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14

Goofy Note

Hi my little blog.

I have not forgotten about you.... As I'm sure you can understand, I have been real busy with school these last couple weeks. But be assured, I have not forgotten about you.

(In fact, I still find myself keeping an eye out for random little things during my day to share with you, blog. The trick is to find time that's not harried with school-work in order to actually write these things down!)

But I have good news, blog! This coming week at school is missions conference, which I am excited for for more reasons than one. Yet one is that I will have opportunity to write more AND to keep you updated on what goes on in the conference.

We anticipate God will stir our hearts to have a sharper focus similar to His own view of the world. (that was an oddly constructed sentence. But I'm gonna leave it that way, because I like the idea it so unsmoothly conveys! :-)

And now, I'm off to get ready for bed. I just back from soccer and there are one or two things standing in the way before I can crawl into bed for sweet sleep.

Oh, and thank you Lord for parents who drove for 3 hours to come visit me and see my dorm room and hang out for almost a whole day! That was so fun....

-Janell Knudson, signing off

Good night little blog!

In love with the Blueberry

She is a lover of mustaches, owls, great danes, carmel and converse shoes.

Oh, and photography.

(I'm with her there! I love a good photograph, though I have to admit, I'm not as faithful at putting them up on my own blog.)

Some people are crazy cute, amazingly in-tune with their own adorable style, and completely 102% original!

Do you know someone who is overflowing with so much creativity, it just comes pouring out of them even when they're NOT trying!?

Who is that person that is always saying something you have to ask, "Where in the world did THAT come from!?" But really as you can do is laugh and shake your head and think, "I have never heard anything like that before. But it's funny." :-)

For me, it's THIS girl....

I met her at camp last year and somehow or another we got each other's blog addresses. She never ceases to amaze me and crack me up. Blogs like this remind me that Life is FuN. (And if I'm not careful, I'll get too focused on to-do lists and the stuff of life I HAVE to do. I'll forget it's okay to let loose and be goofy sometimes.)
I just have to pass on this address to anyone who might need a smile today. Check it out, you will totally love her as much as I do!

http://therewebe.blogspot.com

You are my "blogging-hero" Bri! Keep it comin'. Love ya

Rich

2 in the drawer of my nightstand.

1 very special one on top of my nightstand.

1 pocket size one in my purse right now on the floor.

1 program on the internet where I can look up one in any translation I so desire.

1 in dad's lap as he reads it to my little brother.

4 on the family bookshelf in the living room.

2 on my teenage brother's shelf when he asked me to grab one for Sunday School this morning.

Pieces of it all throughout my Bible college notes organized downstairs.

Chapters and verses tucked away in my mind and heart to recall at any moment....

There are people in the world right now that would give anything for just one.

For just a portion of one.

In their own language.

In their possession.

And here I am with all these beautiful versions and translations and copies and resources of

B I B L E S

right at my fingertips!

I am rich.

Who am I to deserve such rich Words of God? All I can do is thank Him. And study His Words. And cherish them.

"The law of thy mouth is better unto me than thousands of gold and silver.

Therefore I love thy commandments above gold; yea, above fine gold."

Psalm 119:72, 127

Science stuff

So I was doing some research on what we could do for a biology/chemistry project, and I came up with these four ideas... I have to admit I'm a little fond of the crystal-making idea. I did that when I was homeschooled as a kid and it was SO cool!

I'm just not sure if I can justify it as an experiment following too closely to the steps of the scientific method!

Anyway, here are the ideas. I'd love a little feedback on what YOU think would be most interesting to present to a college class.... Thanks :-)

• Do the same types of mold grow on all types of bread? Are certain preservativies better at inhibiting dangerous molds than others?
• Mold grows fast – easily measurable by color
• Easily researched – dangerous or harmless?
• Gets attention – Mike could even take cool up-close pictures J
• Leads to productive results, like studying preservativies

• How permanent are permanent markers? What solvents (e.g., water, alcohol, vinegar, detergent solution) will remove the ink? Do different brands/types of markers produce the same results?
• Easy to experiment by changing many different variables and discovering if the markers are truly as good as they say they are
• Kind of like “we try it, before you buy it”
• Could easily bring in all of the findings and a chart to exhibit before the class

• Are all potato chips equally greasy (you can crush them to get uniform samples and look at the diameter of a grease spot on brown paper)? Is greasiness different if different oils are used (e.g., peanut versus soybean)?
• Not a hard experiment, but interesting
• Help teach people about what to look for in order to be more healthy (even in the midst of their unhealthy food choices)

• We could grow our own crystals

That’d be kind of an adventure… Check out this website to see how many different kinds there are! http://chemistry.about.com/od/growingcrystals/tp/quickcrystals.htm

Sick :-(

Feel like I kind of fell off the face of the earth for the last few days? Well, I kind of did....

Don't take your health for granted. When you're counting your blessings, start with the fact that you can stand and walk without feeling dizzy enough to have to sit down. Then be thankful that you didn't handle three less-than-becoming nosebleeds in the last day and a half. And don't forget the fact that you have walked across campus in the warm sunshine.

For all this and more, praise God.

For the little things, praise God.

You never know how much you appreciate them till you go a few days without them.